Flash Fiction 08: The Prince of Piss 

As I was flipping through “Body and Soul,” a book of photographic works by Andres Serrano, I ran across my favorite work by him, “Piss Christ.”  I remember what moral outrage and commotion it stirred up.  Ha-haa.  It really tied the Congress’s ball bags in a knot.  Heh, heh.  This was years before the “internets” really took off.  If only that racist pig, Jesse Helms, could see what humanoids are up to nowadays as they surf endless waves of net porn.  In any case, a recent personal pee event made me…

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Flash Fiction 06: You're-A-Pig-Pat! 

Pat offered to have a wank in front of us, and we were all stunned by his porno size meat. Tom said, “You have a big dick too, John.”

“Not THAT big!” John, with lit face and astonished eyebrows, replied.

I don't have any idea how Tom knew the size of John's cock. John even had a name for his reportedly sizable piss-unit—“The Hawk.”

The spank event started with a weird, improvised strip spin-the-bottle game between Tom and Pat. Well, Pat “lost” every spin. When it got to pulling down his cut-off jean…

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Flash Fiction 05: Unholy Hearts 

Bug Spray

I Napalmed ants—when I was in grade-school. It wasn't really Napalm, of course, it was orangeish plastic Hot Wheels race track lit ablaze. It'd keep burning while dripping red-yellow fireballs of molten sticky plastic droplets of scorching death. Even if landed close; close was close enough. Any ant within a half-inch of the flaming gunk would be shriveled toast.

Pest Control

The girl next door liked squashing turgid green caterpillars with the end of a stick. She didn't kill them all, just the…

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Flash Fiction 04: Larry's Last Load 

12/2016

Larry was a teenage wanker. Now, everyone knows the average teen boy waps half his life away. But Larry was--”special.” He spent hours in the family bathroom raping the rugs while sniffing his mom's underwear. Kids in high school needed a pass to piss. Larry would use his piss-pass to beat the bat. Larry was fast, he'd pound one out when he took out the garbage; in the bushes when he walked home from school; in the shady corner of the public pool, and in the dressing room when his mom took him to…

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Flash Fiction 03: Tuffy The Tumbler 

12/2016

Tuffy was the star tumbler on our country high school gymnastics team. He also played eight-man football, and that's where he got his nickname. He was a squat lil' dude with muscles up to his forehead. Man, even his ears were crammed with sinew. But most of his popularity accrued from his outstanding gymnastic tumbling ability.

Well, school ended and he couldn't make a living wearing tights. No “wanted” signs for flipping around on a sheet of vinyl wrapped foam. So, he decided to work…

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Flash Fiction 02: Hang 'Em High Hal 

12/2016

Hal was a bully, a cowhick, and his farts stunk so bad you'd smell 'em even in a hot, fly-blown outhouse. In high school, students would be herded into the auditorium if they arrived early. And you'd choke on his morning fumes no matter how many rows away you sat. He could kick-start a vomit at a hundred paces. On top of that, he'd proudly stand up and take a bow—all the while wearing a shit-eating grin. Heh, heh. I must admit, it was pretty funny. People yelling and carrying on—protesting the…

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Flash Fiction 01: Lynn's Life on Locks 

11/2016

I knew a guy in high school named Lynn. He had ridiculously curly hair. To battle his unruly, Orthodox Jewish locks, he'd wrap his head in one of his mom's leg stockings and sleep with it on overnight. He hated those curls. But they infested his scalp like Kudzu. He even pressed his hair with a hot, steaming iron with his head awkwardly bent over the scorched silver board. The result of these techniques looked like Matt Groening cartoon hair. But he strutted around proudly with that straight do.

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Book Review: Bernie 

 

 

As usual, Rall writes some eye-opening, enlightening stuff. Highly interesting and factual. But, the truth hurts. Therefore, much of it is depressing—not only in content, but by the fact that most people don't have clue about this information. Keep in mind, though, they call me Mr. Cynical.

 

Back in 1972, American citizens were even dumber than they are today. Richard Nixon, won in a landslide against a true liberal, George McGovern. It didn't matter that McGovern was a war hero, the slimy Nixon…

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Book Review: Saint Melissa the Mottled 

Author: Edward Gorey

Great book! Ya just can't lose with a character like, “Ronald Sackless.”

What in HELL is that wrapped up in the woods????

Book Review: Lovecraft Country 

Author: Matt Ruff

 

Will the real Cthulhu please stand up.

 

When, long ago, the gods created Earth

In Jove’s fair image Man was shaped at birth.

The beasts for lesser parts were next designed;

Yet were they too remote from humankind.

To fill the gap, and join the rest to Man,

Th'Olympian host conceiv'd a clever plan.

A beast they wrought, in semi-human figure,

Filled it with vice, and called the thing a Nigger.

 

Howard Phillips Lovecraft (August 20, 1890 – March 15, 1937)

 

Yes, Howard was indeed no…

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